Keepin' up with kelly

As many of you know, Jay and I decided to get married in Las Vegas, rather than have a wedding that was local, for many reasons.

To name a few?

-Money

-We really wanted to go on a honeymoon ( of which we really couldn’t have done if we had a wedding here)

-We wanted to buy a house… so we could start a family pretty quickly after getting married. 

We got hitched in Vegas, had an absolute blast with 60 of our closest friends and family and after the 3rd day in Vegas, Jay and I left the desert and headed to beautiful Playa Del Carmen to begin our honeymoon.

First comes love, than comes marriage.. 

For those of you who know Jay… you know that when he wants something.. patience isn’t exactly something he knows how to use.

The decision of WHEN to start trying went a little something like this:

“Okay hubs to be… This is my last pack of birth control pills. As soon as these bad boys are gone, we’re gonna start trying. So… it looks like a couple weeks after we get back from our wedding/honeymoon… it’s go time.”

I think that’s pretty clear, huh?

Cut to night two of our honeymoon that went a little something like this:

We’re sitting at dinner.. 

Tan… hungover from our first night… staring at our wedding bands… and me eating all the free food I could get.

Me - “Man, I was really drunk last night. “

Jay - “Yeah.. yep you were”

Me - “Can you believe we’re going to start trying to have a baby when we get back?!?!?”

Jay - “Can you believe we decided to start trying last night?!”

Me - “Eh?”

Jay - ” Yeah.. we high-fived, decided why not start on our honeymoon… and I tossed your pills in the trash! This is going to be so exciting!”

Me - Tears. Eating rolls. Lots of ‘em.

So.. in true and Jay and Kelly fashion, this is how we decided to officially start trying for our little bundle of joy. Now, I wasn’t crying because I didn’t WANT a baby… I was more crying because well.. I was terrified, I didn’t have much of a recollection of how this exactly went about.. and well, I was terrified.

I also ran back to the hotel to see if the housekeeper had taken out the trash already.

Yes, she had.

So… that is how our journey began.

Shockingly enough, nope.. we didn’t conceive on our honeymoon.. or for a couple months even after that. But that wasn’t due to lack of trying.

I became the “ImhavingeverysymptomeverpossibleIknowImpregnant” chick… every.single.week. 

Yep, I was a barrel of fun.

One time, I even convinced myself that my fountain soda tasted different than Jays, so I was obviously pregnant.

Jay bought so many pregnancy tests, that I think the woman at Walgreens either thought he was a total asshole, or a sweetheart for hoping for a baby so badly.

I had every app on my phone that would tell me everything from when I was ovulating to letting us know that if we had sex on a Monday, around 3:10PM that I would have a baby boy with green eyes, freckles and he would start crawling at 7 months.

And yes, on the days that I was ovulating and Jay and I would happen to be arguing.. it wouldn’t matter. I even told him to put a bag over his head because I was so pissed I didn’t want to look at him, but I wasn’t going through this for another month.

Ahhhhh love.

On our 307th pregnancy test, I came out of the bathroom.. bummed as usual and said to Jay ” Well.. there’s a little bit of a line.. but it’s not that clear.. maybe it will be in a couple days”… 

Yes, I said this. Leave me alone.

My friend Nicole was newly pregnant as well, so she would check in with me every 2 minutes to see if I was prego as well.

So.. I of course texted her.. and told her, it was still nothing.. just a faint line.

To which my phone rang immediately, and I heard.. “Ummmm asshole… a line, is a line, is a line.. you’re effin pregnant!”

Me - “Shut the Hell up. What? No. What? Oh God. What?”

Click.

I went to tell Jay what Nic had said… and we decided the only logical thing to do, would be to call the number on the back of the pregnancy test. Yep.. we called 1-800-First Response. 

Yes, I did this. Leave me alone.

A nice gentleman answered the phone, he seemed “older”… I think his name was Frank, or Ralph or something. Let’s say it was Ralph.

I explained my dilemma to him… 

He stated the following:

“Well, Mrs. Towle.. read me the expiration on the back.”

I did.. it was within range. 

“Okay, now, place the stick on a flat surface”

I did… perfectly flat.

“Alright, now take 3 steps back”

One.. Two… Three..

“Can you still see the line from where you are standing Mrs. Towle?”

ME -

“I sure can Ralph.. what the eff does that mean”

Ralph from 1-800-First Response -

“Congratulations Mrs. Towle, you’re going to have a baby.”

And there it was… 

Confirmation from Dr. First Response… 

I gave Jay a big smooch… I cried, then puked.. and we did what anyone else would do.. 

I tossed my sweats on ( Alright, who am I kidding.. it was the weekend, they’d been on since Friday at 5PM).. and we headed to Borders to get $75.00 worth of baby books.

It was literally the absolute best feeling in the entire world.

Everything changed for me that day… 

To all of you moms out there.. I got it. 

In the weeks that followed, I purchased clothes and yes a pair of pregnancy pants. 

Oh leave me alone, they’re like dressy sweatpants for christ sake… tempting me w/ their elastic waist bands… 

And I ate to my hearts desireeeeeee.

And again, because my husband practices patience extremely well… Jay posted it on facebook… that we were expecting.. and it was officially out there. 

Yes, we told the entire facebook nation that we were pregnant at like Day 3.

Smart, huh?

But…

As most of you know, Jay and I lost our little person at 10 weeks and that was literally one of the darkest and hardest times in both of our lives.. 

At first I thought the biggest mistake was blurting it out so soon, but the love and support we got from our friends and family was literally the one thing we both needed at that time. So.. no, I can’t say I regret it.

To be honest, looking back.. I don’t regret any of it.. 

I’ve told myself it must not have been right, and there had to have been a reason for it.

We both learned a lot from it, and most importantly our relationship grew even stronger than before.

There will always be times when it’s tough, but mainly.. it’s okay. We’re okay. And wherever that little person is right now.. they’re okay too.

Will we have another? Oh.. I hope so. Will I know I’m prego as soon as I see a freakin’ speck on that stick? Yes. Will we post it on facebook before we’re absolutely positive everything is okay? Nope.  Will we call “Ralph” from 1-800-First Response and tell him when we do have a baby? Abso-effin-lutely.

Like everyone else, I’ve had experiences that I’ve learned from and have become, what I feel, is a better person because of. Through every one of these experiences, there was someone who helped me by letting me know that they had been through it too. Whether it be being uncomfortable in your own skin because of your weight, feeling like you’ll be single forever, or in this case … miscarrying. So, I hope with a bit of humor and some serious honesty.. it can help someone else, like others helped me.

Bye! Bye!

The story behind my husband Jay and I is basically Jay was in love with me for years before I even knew who he was.

Obviously.

Alright, the real story is that Jay and I became pals a couple years prior to dating, as he was my favorite bartender at a fantastic red brick building that for a long time I called home.

For those of you who have met my hubs, or have even seen a picture of him, I’m sure was as shocked as I was to find out he was 30 years old ( at the time we started dating…)

Something else that I was shocked to find out, was that he had a 5 year old daughter named Riley.

As I’ve explained before, I was single for many years.. which means the older you get, the dating pool brings you men that come with a different type of past that you wouldn’t get.. say if you fell in love and got into a relationship at 22. You’re going to find the men who have been divorced, getting divorced, have kids and are great fathers, and have kids and are shitty fathers… just to name a few.

Dating someone with a child was new to me, and definitely put my love for this 12 year old boy I had fallen in love with.. to the test.

Riley Parker. 5 years old.

Kelly McKenna. 30 years old

Let’s dance.

A day at the beach:

One of my most favorite memories was when Jay and I took Riley to Higgins Beach to pick seashells, and she started kicking and screaming in the car when Jay held my hand and laughed at one of my jokes. 

I’m not sure what was wrong, I’m a funny gal.

Once we got to the beach, she went off to draw in the sand. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her writing our names in the sand, and I instantly thought..

“BREAKTHROUGH!”

Until I saw her draw a heart around her name and her dad’s name and then said..

“Hey guys, I’m going to throw rocks at the name I don’t like.”  

I’m assuming you can figure out what name that was.

Pepper:

6 months or so into our relationship, I began to pick Riley up from daycare, bring her home and “bond”… (beghertolikeme) and cook her dinner.  One night, I made what I thought any kid would love… homemade mac n cheese.

At this point in our relatioship, I would give her a sleeve of oreos every time I picked her up, again… thinking there was no way she could resist this action.

We got home, I of course was pumped to slap some mac on her plate, and she was less than thrilled.  She took a forkful, or rather dipped her fork in it.. and started

SCREAMING. AT. THE. TOP. OF. HER. LUNGS. 

Literally.

Screaming.

Mac n Fail. 

“MY LIPS ARE BURNING! IT’S PEPPER ISN’T IT! IM ALLERGIC TO PEPPER! 

Crying… screaming…

I… was in the corner…  waiting for her tongue to swell.

I called Jay… crying myself, and of course yelling at him that he didn’t fill me in on the fact that Riley was allergic to pepper.

Yep. She wasn’t.

Wii -

Jay’s parents had bought us a Wii for Christmas, and I had decided to do the work out video, wii, game whatever the hell it is.  I also figured this was another fun thing that Ri and I could do together… 

One night, the three of us gathered round the Wii and set up our “Mii’s”… 

For those of you who don’t know, a Mii is a character you can create on a Wii that emulates who you are. You would weigh yourself, and the Mii would replicate your weight… height… hair…etc.

We set one up for our cat Baxter, our dog Alice, Jay, Ri and Myself.

They were hysterical.. and totally fun.

Until.. 

“Hey Dad, look!  Our Wii’s are cute and skinny and Kelly’s is fat and ugly”

Ahhhh out of the mouths of babes. 

I waved the white flag.

She won.

All 25lbs of her. With 6 pack abs and perfect buns. 

Yep.. these little pick-me-ups and all around great times lasted for about the first year in our relationship.

From this point on… I had a sit down with Jay and basically told him that we couldn’t hold hands, talk, laugh, look at each other or act like the other was in the room when Riley was around. I didn’t want to step on her toes. She had won the battle. I was terrified. 

I don’t know when exactly things started to turn around.. but they did. 

Riley and I became friends first… and I think she started to understand that I loved her so very much and would do anything to make her and her Dad happy.

From her perspective, I totally get it.

Here comes this chick ( as awesome as she was, but just couldn’t bring herself to admit it), that is taking my dad’s time.. and pushing herself into our life that was just fine before I got here.

Once I realized where she was coming from, understood it, and did my best to help her deal with it… things started to get better.  

Oh, and I just had to make sure I took her our for mani’s and pedi’s every other week.

My most favorite memory was Christmas Eve, 2 years ago.. when she looked at me and said all she wanted for Christmas was for me to be her Step-Mom. 

A couple months later.. Jay and I were engaged.

I can’t tell you how hard it was, and yes still is to help raise a child who already has a mom and dad that love her very much. 

Your life instantly changes.. 

And in the end, it becomes more fulfilling than you could ever imagine.

I’m not Riley’s mom, and would never imagine even attempting to take her mom’s place. I always tell Ri that I’m her best friend, and that I’ll be here to support her through anything, no matter what it is. 

So yes, my 12 year old husband was a packaged deal.

And quite frankly..  our relationship wouldn’t be what it is, without my little step-monster.

As most of you know, I am an extremely happily married woman, who was lucky enough to marry my best friend.  However, also as most of you know, Jay and I didn’t start dating until I was in my 30’s..    

This post is going to give you a bit of insight into my dating history, prior to Jay. 

Which is why I call what you’re about to read.. 

“Going in blind…”

Ahhh yes, the single life. 

I’m not going to go on and on and tell you that I was the gal who didn’t have a string of boyfriends… I’m just going to say..

I was the gal who never had a string of boyfriends.

Prior to meeting, pushing away, pulling him back, falling in love, and ultimately forcing Jay to marry me.. I was single for 5 years.  

5. Long. Years.

Being single, was a blast. I’m thankful for being married at the age I was, because I know I got to experience things I wouldn’t have if I had gotten married at an earlier age. I joined a band, made long lasting friendships, met new people, traveled..

Okay, I won’t lie. It wasn’t ALWAYS a blast. There were lonely times for sure, and definite times that I wondered if this is what it would be like forever.  But I’m thankful for those times regardless, because those years made me a better person.

When you are single, and the majority of your friends are in long term relationships and marriages.. you are the person that they “set up.”

Me? I was always open to it. Why not, right??  Whatever I was doing wasn’t working, so if the people that loved me the most thought they had a great person for me, I was open to the possibility.

Which opened the door to .. yes.. BLIND. DATES.

I would like to describe some of the “best of the best” if you will.. 

Match.Com guy.

After chatting online for a couple days, we decided to meet for lunch on a Saturday afternoon.  

The lunch date began to take a turn, when he proceeded to tell me how much better his band was, then the band that I was currently in at the time.  Personally, I don’t think that’s the way to exactly win a gal over, but hey… who am I to judge.  He then went on to tell me he had recently been out of a relationship, and I had some of her same features.  Again, perhaps not the best idea.. to compare your date with your ex, but again… it was a free lunch, I went with it. From there he asked if I wanted to continue the date, and go somewhere else. I told him that I already had plans for later ( I left out that the plans were to meet up with my friends immediately after and tell them every detail of the date ), but I told him we could go out again, on the following Thursday night. 

Yes, I planned a second date. I tried to be open. All in all.. he wasn’t a bad guy, the date was okay.. and I figured a second date wouldn’t kill me.

The next morning, when I checked my email, I had 4.. yes 4 emails from this person that were sent from 1:00 AM on… 

Closingggggg Timmmeeee…

In the emails, he wanted answers. Why was I pushing him away? Why did I make our second date 5 days later? If I didn’t like him, why couldn’t I just tell him? Why wasn’t I responding to him? Why was I acting just like his ex? 

And my favorite?

He related the way I was acting to his dating rules that he got from the movie “Hutch.”

That morning was the day I deleted my match.com account.

5 Stage Clinger 

Ahhhh yes… All of you single ladies have had one… 

Alright… so for this guy.. bottom line he wasn’t that smart. But, he was good-looking. It was a weak moment.

Me and The Clingster actually dated for a couple of weeks, before I gave up. He was a nice guy, and he meant well, and he treated me well.. so truly, I have no complaints. 

Until the day I was brushing my teeth, and I turned around and he was standing in my bathroom.

I mean, that’s a little odd, right? 

Perhaps he was in the area, and when ya gotta go, ya gotta go??

The last night of this beautiful relationship was when I told him a friend was coming over, and we were going out to dinner.  His car pulled into my parking lot, right after we got home, so she and I did the adult thing and shut the lights off and hid. 

Say what you will, but this gave me some perspective that say a “Nanny Cam” couldn’t provide. 

He went to every window and looked in, he knocked off and on for about a half hour and hung outside in the dark at my doorstep waiting for us to get home. 

It was true love.

Moving on.

High Five Guy.

I met “High Five Guy” through 2 of my best friends, and we decided to do a double date. Which is even worse than just a normal blind date, because your best friends are there, watching how you act on a date. 

I arrived with them, and “High Five Guy” met us at the bar. 

First impression? 

Sweater, tucked into his multi-pocketed cargo pants.

Apparently, he was a very organized person.

We got a round of drinks, and started chatting. He was a very nice guy, attractive even with all of his pockets, and he began to tell me that this was his first date since his divorce and he was nervous. 

Yep, at that point, so was I.

We had our first drinks, ordered another round and I dragged my girlfriend to the bathroom to punch her in the ass.

We then went back to the table, to find pocket pants hammered, and my newly ordered drink.. empty.

Woops… he ended up drinking mine as well, but kindly offered to by me a refill.

When the waitress came over with another tray of drinks, he was so excited to see them, that he dumped the tray over, spilling all of the drinks.

Woops…

We then decided to move locations.

At our second location, I was looking around for the exit signs.

A discussion began of ordering apps.

He then asked me if I wanted something to eat, which I replied “no thankyou..” to which he then, poked me in the stomach, and said “LIKE YOU DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO EAT!!!!”… and raised his hand, looking for me to “high five” him.

Woops…

                     Exit signs, where. are. the. exit. signs…

After the poke in the fat rolls, and he enjoying 6 drinks he then whispered the sweet nothings in my ear that all gals want to hear at that point.. 

“YOU ARE SO HOT… WANNA GO BACK TO MY PLACE AND MAKE OUT”… 

Goodnight pocket pants. 

I could go on and on… because yes, there were more. Ya know, like the one that I brought to a Halloween party, and he ended up leaving with the chick in the Oompa Loompa costume. 

But I’m going to quit while I’m ahead.

So… the moral of this story? Blind dates may not lead to “the one”… but they sure as Hell can give you a great story to tell your girls for many years to come.

To my single pals… enjoy being single for what it is. A chance to be you, to experience life on your own, and to get to know yourself. Take every date as a lesson as to what you want and definitely what you don’t want in the man/woman that you WILL meet, and that WILL be yours forever. 

Bye! Bye!

Well, I’ve decided to do it.  

Write. A. Blog.  

It’s something I’ve wanted to do for awhile.. and I hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoy writing it!

I was telling my husband that the first entry… has to “hit ‘em hard”… I want to grab your attention! So … 

I think my first topic is going to be something extremely personal, something that a lot of you can relate to, and something I’ve been battling for basically my entire life. Yes, all 21 years of it. 

WEIGHT.

Dun, Dun, Duuunnnn.

Just writing the word, and knowing I was about to “throw it all out there”, makes me nauseous. 

I always viewed myself as the fat chick. Always “just friendssss” with the guys. Always looked at my friends with admiration, jealousy… and yes, always the chick to wear a t-shirt over her bathing suit.  

Don’t believe me?

Check out the pic below… I think Im still a fetus, and Im the one in the t-shirt, because I was convinced I was fat.

Seriously?

I was a head case even then. 

As most of you know, I now no longer look like Im “about to explode.” Yes, that is in quotes.. because that is something that was said to me, before I started what I call ” Fat Camp” about 4 months ago.

A quick run through of “the life and times of the chick battling weight” to prove to those of who you have battled this at a point in your life..  that I totes understand.

• My nickname growing up? Hoover. Yes, like the vacuum.
• In high school, twinkies were placed in my mailbox, with a note attached. And no, they weren’t sent by Hostess.
• Ever been able to help in a science class project? Well, I did. A picture of my body, with the head cut off was used as a science class project to use as an illustration of one of the three body types. You can assume which body type I was used for. 
• Diet train anyone??  You know, just a few. Weight Watchers, Slim-Fast, Counting Calories, Working Out, Personal Trainer, Apex, Cabbage Soup Diet, Juice Diet, South Beach, Atkins, Special K, Abs Diet for Women, Diet Pills, and the amazing thigh master. Shut up, you thought it would work too.

So.. for years of dieting, emulating household appliances, and getting delicious treats in the mail, I ended up with an incredible sense of self, and an extremely high self esteem. 

Or, I didn’t.

This brings us to today. 32 years old. Yes, I know I don’t look a day over 15, and the best I’ve felt about myself since… ohhh… ever?

4 months ago.. it was a different story. 

I realized that in the two and a half years that I had been with my now husband, I had gained 33 pounds. THIRTY THREE FREAKING POUNDS.  

My metabolism is obviously incredible. 

I will say, that my husband never once made me feel unattractive or overweight. Which is why when I stepped on the scale finally, and realized how much I had gained.. I wanted to punch him in the face.

Kidding.

Sort of.

Before I started losing weight, I was a completely different person.  I didn’t want to go out of the house, because namely that meant I would be forced to pour, yes pour myself into pants that didn’t have an elastic waist band. 

Beach? Nope. I prayed for rain… and kept accidentally forgetting to bring my bathing suit when we would go somewhere where swimming would be obvious.

Mirrors? No thanks. 

Crazy newlywed sex? Well, if that meant with the lights off, curtains shut, me laying flat, sucking it in.. then yes. 

Lifeeeee wasssss granddddd.

I started what I call “Fat Camp” on Monday, August 29th, 2011.

I weighed in at 197 lbs, and over 40% body fat.

There, I’ve said it.

Now let’s all act like I didn’t.

As of today, January 10, 2012… I have officially lost 37 lbs, 6 inches off of my waist, and close to 10% body fat. 

Do I feel amazing? Absolutely.

Do I want to help people that are battling the same issues as I have/am? Absolutely.

Do I know that this will be something I have to battle for the rest of my life? Absolutely

Am I craving a Twinkie right now? Absolutely.

If nothing else, with the experiences we each go through we need to learn something from them.  I wasted time with my husband, my family and my best friends because I was too embarrassed to leave the house. 

Life is too short, to not love every part of yourself.  If you don’t like something about yourself, change it. It’s that easy. I promise, it is.

We’re all so afraid to say how much we weigh, in the fear that we’re going to be judged, scrutinized, made fun of. I think you just need to come to a point in your life, where you say… “Who. The. Hell. Cares.”

Life is worth living.. and if that means you need to struggle, to reach a goal you’ve always wanted to reach, whether it be losing weight or anything else, than do it. Don’t wait until Monday. 

Thanks for reading, and I hoped you didn’t fall asleep. 

I hope to continue writing this… opening up about things I’ve wanted to write about for awhile now, and I hope you enjoy and accept every minute of it.

Bye! Bye!